Conscious Coliving 101 — Day 3 - Developmental Spaces

Part of the free course Conscious Coliving 101. Prefer it paced? Get it by email — one lesson a day.

Dear conscious human,

In the last lesson, we sold you pretty hard on conscious communities! We busted those myths that might have been getting in the way of you considering it as a viable option and now, it's time to get real.

In today’s lesson we will explore the benefits and challenges that come with applying conscious living principles to coliving environments. Are you ready? Great, let’s start.

The benefits and the challenges that come with conscious coliving

To explore these let’s introduce you to Sam.

Sam has felt a bit lost recently, craving a deeper connection to their life and surroundings. They are in their early 30s, they work a good job, and are able to enjoy most of the luxuries that are promoted as giving you a happy life.

Since being single they still can’t afford to get a mortgage and have found themselves spending more and more time alone. Their interests, as they’ve grown older, have naturally developed around personal development. They have a love of adventure, and nature, and enjoy wellness as more than a passing trend, although it doesn’t dictate their life.

Despite having a good circle of friends, they find themselves feeling lonely more and more frequently and have recently found a new (nightly) interest in binging Netflix with a glass of wine. Deep down they can’t shake the feeling that something is off, and that there must be more to life than ‘this’.

So how might conscious coliving help Sam? Let’s take a look.

The 9 benefits of conscious coliving\

💪 Benefit #1: There is a greater support system available

As Sam considers living in a conscious community, they open themselves up to a wider support system. Choosing to live together in pre-agreed ways means that connection to one and another is an integral part of any flourishing community. Therefore, a stronger support system to navigate life's ups and downs ensures that members of the community, and people like Sam, know they are not alone.

💪 Benefit #2: Life can feel more financially sustainable

Sam initially had the same reservations about conscious communities assuming they were, you know, just after their money. But once they realized you don’t have to give over all of your paycheck, or even any of it, they took time to consider what the financial benefits might be.

Sharing costs of living, rent, or even in some cases clubbing together to individually buy a proportion of a property, can help individuals to create a more financially sustainable lifestyle than doing it alone.

💪 Benefit #3: You can create deeper connections

You’d be forgiven if you assumed this benefit is the same as #1. Although you can have support that covers a day-to-day existence (#1), what we mean here is deeper emotional and psychological support.

In Sam’s case, although they have close friendships, and a relatively healthy relationship with their family, coliving can satisfy the desire for deeper, more readily available connections.

Living with like-minded conscious (or at least working to be conscious) people, can offer deeper connections to others and yourself. It can foster a sense of belonging that is often missing, helping to combat the loneliness pandemic affecting so many.

💪 Benefit #4: There is less consumption of resources and less waste

Although Sam tries to do their bit for the environment, conscious coliving offers an opportunity to share resources and by default produce less waste. Communal gardens used to grow food for the community, permaculture designs in use, or merely a sharing of resources such as a carpool, food, or clothing exchanges, allows conscious coliving to support a more sustainable lifestyle and positively impact the planet.

💪 Benefit #5: Shared tasks means that more hands make light work

Sam hates doing the housework, loathes gardening, but loves ironing. They never feel like there is enough time to do it all.

An obvious benefit of coliving is there are more people to help with the everyday tasks (and even the not so everyday ones), meaning that more hands make light work! This is a way to inject surplus time and energy into your life, while also carrying out communal tasks which favor your skills and preferences.

Of course, no one wants to clean the toilet, but maybe it’s a once in a quarter kinda thing rather than once a week!

Sam wanted to stop binging on Netflix and start doing more but they were often hesitant about doing it alone. Netflix and a glass of wine had become a crutch. It was easier than investigating what activities were available, and trying to rally up the troops to organize a social outing.

The beauty of being in a coliving environment is that organizing social activities doesn’t all have to fall on one person. People also have a mixture of interests and there is often at least one person available to spend time with, even if it is still to watch an episode on Netflix.

💪 Benefit #7: More opportunities to live your dharma

OK, we know we said you didn’t need to be spiritual, but hang in there with us. Dharma basically means life purpose. Who doesn’t want to live a more aligned life contributing in a way that honors your highest expression, or at the very least offers you an opportunity to try and discover what that expression is?

For Sam, the idea of being exposed to different ways of thinking and new skills and opportunities also offered them a way to perhaps understand more about what they came here to do, and then do it.

💪 Benefit #8: It’s great for parenting

It takes a village to raise a child - Ancient African proverb

Although Sam doesn’t have any children, they’re well aware from siblings and friends' experience just how tough it is to have them! Similar to the theme of many hands make light work, communities have known for eons that raising a child takes a village of support, not just one or two parental figures.

The sad fact of today is that the (extended) family unit and societal structures just aren't cutting it in terms of the support needed to raise children. Everyone is more busy, with varying priorities, that despite the very best intentions means parenting can often feel like a challenging experience. Having a ready made village can at least help to offset that.

💪 Benefit #9: Community is important to longevity

Although Sam isn’t likely to relocate to live in Sardinia or any of the other 4 Blue Zones, the information available from these areas could provide insights on how to live better.

One of the factors within these areas is that community plays an important role, (alongside diet, rest, physical activity and purpose), in keeping people healthier for longer and therefore, increasing longevity.

Community holds many benefits, and as we saw in the previous lesson feeling lonely can play a huge role in mental and physical illness. Therefore, being part of a community can create a sense of belonging, alongside all of the other benefits we’ve identified.

☝️ Despite the many benefits we’ve identified, we wanted to offer Sam the opportunity to consider what the challenges might be with conscious coliving 😬. So let’s look at what these are.

The 4 challenges of conscious coliving

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😬 Challenge #1: There will be more conflicts internally and externally

Conflict is likely to be the number 1 challenge in a conscious coliving environment. It’s inevitable.

Coliving puts you in close contact with more people, from potentially very different backgrounds from your own. Naturally, this environment is more likely to foster tensions and conflicts as you navigate these novel relationships. No amount of internal governance or structure is going to prevent conflict from happening, although it can at least reduce it.

Aside from external conflict, you may also find yourself at odds internally as well.

Sam, a lover of personal development, was concerned about the feelings and blindspots they might be exposed to and the internal conflict that this could bring up. Were they really feeling ready to go there?

Any area where we are out of our comfort zone, sitting in a sense of unfamiliarity and exposed to new people and ways of being is likely to ensure a steady stream of growth, which when resisted can show up as conflict.

Our answer to this, lean in.

😬 Challenge #2: Boundary setting and adherence, (sometimes) it feels unfair in terms of the give and take

Setting your own boundaries, asking or expecting others to adhere to them, and adhering to others boundaries is often tricky to navigate.

Sam remembers the times at work where they were consistently given more and more responsibility with little reward or recognition. They failed to set their own boundaries and so did their organization, which resulted in a very unhappy and overwhelmed Sam.

When there are shared resources, spaces, and more connectedness and interactions, it’s almost inevitable that the dance between sharing, (self-)moderation, and privacy is likely to get a little chaotic at times.

😬 Challenge #3: There is limited autonomy

As the responsibilities and considerations extend beyond yourself you can't always do things your way. It can sometimes feel like a loss of independence but actually the interweb of coliving often means that it is not independence but autonomy that is reduced.

The (intended) harmonious community remains so because there is the awareness that the responsibilities and considerations are not just for you. This can sometimes feel claustrophobic or triggering when you can’t just pick yourself up and do as you please.

😬 Challenge #4: You have to be around people who aren't always your best friends

Urgh, really?

Yep, sorry, in some coliving spaces especially larger communities, it’s unlikely that you’re going to connect with everyone.

Sam remembered their experience at university. Sam and their 4 other flatmates got on so well, except for Casey in room number 2, what a nightmare they were…

This challenge presents with it the need to go into a conscious coliving environment with an attitude of acceptance, patience and compassion for others, and yourself. It’s not always easy. And depending on how the coliving environment is set up, you’re likely to have to interact with people you don’t want to or don’t get along with at least some of the time.

The bonus benefit

🌈 How do you feel now about conscious coliving, especially after reading about those 4 challenges? It’s not all sunshine and rainbows is it? Well, call us the eternal optimists, but we believe that these challenges present you with a 10th bonus benefit.

🤩 Bonus benefit #10: Overcoming these challenges will lead to a more conscious life

If you choose to adopt a growth mindset and work with the challenges, over resisting them (after the initial shock), you will come to see that they actually offer you a gateway to living consciously.

They force you to develop better social skills, a better dialogue with yourself and others, and cultivate more empathy and compassion across a variety of situations and people. This allows you to move away from polarized thinking which is a core issue in our world today.

Navigating these challenges will also help you to learn more about how to set and manage boundaries and conflict for the betterment of everyone, which is ultimately one of the reasons you chose to become conscious to begin with, no?

As you can see, today, we’ve laid out the reality of conscious coliving through the most common benefits and challenges.

⏩ To continue on from this, in the next lesson we will explore the traits and the red flags of a conscious coliving situation. Join us then to make sure you don’t accidentally end up in a cult 😱

Lauren

Life Itself Legend\

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