Conscious Coliving in Action: Practical Steps to Getting Started — Day 5
Day 5: Conscious Coliving in Action
Part of the free course Conscious Coliving in Action: Practical Steps to Getting Started. Prefer it paced? Get it by email — one lesson a day.
Day 5: Transforming your coliving space to become more conscious
Dear conscious human,
In the previous lesson we spoke about how to join a conscious coliving space; today we’re focusing on how to transform an existing space to become more conscious.
I’m not going to lie, this is a lot harder than joining a conscious coliving space that is already set up and will present distinct challenges, all of which will vary based on the individuals within the space. But first, let’s first address one of the main challenges that is consistent for all humans.
Old habits die hard
One of the main challenges is going to be related to the ingrained habits that exist, that can lead people to resist change; the ‘but it's always been done this way’ kind of mindset. And as we know, old habits die hard, which requires a lot of patience and persistence throughout the process from everyone involved.
Habits are ingrained automatic behaviors that we have and continue to perform repeatedly, and most of the time unconsciously, in response to cues or triggers. They allow us to conserve cognitive energy to use in other areas or tasks. But it is not just actions that can be habits; thought processes and even emotional reactions can all be habitual responses too, and the reward received from completing the behavior serves to reinforce it.
Attachment to habits, or the struggle to change them, often stems from the sense of comfort we take from them and the perceived difficulty or inconvenience in altering established routines and ways of being; this is why you encounter resistance. Habits provide a sense of security and predictability, even if they're not always beneficial. The brain further resists change because it perceives change as a potential threat. Additionally, breaking habits requires conscious effort, patience, and resilience, as our brains also tend to revert to familiar patterns during stressful or challenging times unconsciously. This resistance to change can be a barrier to personal growth and development, but is one we all experience at times.
So what's the benefit?
You might be wondering why bother to even try to make it more conscious, what's the benefit of doing it? Well, more nourishing relationships, greater alignment with your colivers, an opportunity for personal growth, and transpersonal growth are a few, along with a more harmonious and fulfilling living experience gained by prioritizing shared values and deeper connections.
How to transform your space
It doesn't have to be all at once
First of all, it doesn’t happen overnight; it's often a gradual, incremental journey. A key point in the transformation is to manage both your own and others’ expectations and to keep the faith especially when the resistance to change arises, which you may also feel.
Are your current colivers enrolled?
This could be seen to be your first challenge, or first opportunity, and can really be used to set the dynamic for the transformation. Having a clearly defined why and sharing (not telling) will help to see if there is the opportunity and willingness for your current colivers to join you in this transformation. Even better, encouraging your current colivers to share if they are interested and why, is a great way to open up the space and help them really feel it is about the collective, and not just you getting what you want. Either way, it is important that your current colivers enroll in this for themselves. This can be greatly aided by inviting them to join you at a conscious event that can help them to establish if it is something they are open to aligning to, or not. Retreats, events at places like Plum Village], or even online groups such as the Landmark Forum can all offer opportunities to experience in-depth what it means to embody consciousness. This is also often much more successful than, for example, inviting your coliver to meditate with you when you meditate each morning.
It’s important to engage others in the conversations and make the agreements together (don't be a dick-tator 😉). Focusing on agreements that also foster ownership and commitment, will help to encourage active participation and continued buy-in.
And have the hard conversations. Honesty, upfrontness, compromise and collaboration are likely to feature heavily. To understand how to avoid these turning into places of conflict, you can read our Transforming Conflict in Community course for tips!
Be the role model
Being the role model by embodying the principles of conscious living that you are promoting is pivotal in inspiring others to embrace change. Demonstrating the benefits of this transformation through personal actions and attitudes acts as a catalyst for others to follow suit and creates an equal playing field.
Present the benefits
This might seem obvious but presenting the advantages of conscious coliving, such as improved communication, enhanced well-being, and a sense of belonging, in a way that is personal for your current colivers, is a great way to help people to imagine possibilities that exist for them. Imagine someone sharing benefits they saw that specifically impacted your life, over the generic statements like we listed above. It creates that personal connection that really resonates deeper, and sharing this possibility to others can really motivate individuals to adopt this lifestyle.
Implement regular meetings
As part of your agreements, scheduling regular meetings, and activities such as circling, create a platform for discussions, addressing concerns, making collective decisions, and allowing people’s voices to be heard.
Introduce some form of practice together
In the Bergerac Hub, the shared Minimum Viable Practices (MVPs) acts as the spine of the coliving space. MVPs are communal activities like meditation sessions or collaborative projects, in the Hub they are specifically the practices of sitting or moving collectively, engaging in daily activities such as cooking, cleaning and repair works, and participating in weekly circling sessions. These activities promote bonding and establish a sense of community and contribution, which all feeds in to creating a conscious and harmonious living space.
Attachment to views: learning to let go
A final note is that all individuals need to have the willingness to release the attachment to their personal views and habits and a willingness to take a 2nd person perspective. Rigid mindsets do not support growth or transformation and prevent individuals embracing new perspectives and adapting to the evolving dynamics within the community that will arise (this we can guarantee; the only constant is change).
Action time ✍️
Today, it’s the same as the previous lesson.
First, take some time to breathe and digest this information. Paying attention to where you might have felt triggered, or the parts that feel a bit sticky or overwhelming gives you a lot of insight and we recommend journaling on these for clarity.
Next, take some time to review and write down your next steps, to help you to start to create your own roadmap for transforming your current space. Remember you don’t need to have it all mapped out at this point, you just need to know the very next step you’re going to take, so keep it simple.
The action step I’m going to take next is …
And if you’re feeling confident feel free to add a few more steps after this.
The conclusion? The journey to transforming an existing space into a conscious coliving environment will have its triggers and issues. Fostering open communication, engaging in collective decision-making, gradually implementing conscious practices, and embracing change, whilst remembering to keep your expectations in check, will all support this transformation.
And finally, if it doesn't work out, see the previous lesson… Or the next one. There is always another way.
Lauren & the Life Itself CoCo 🥥 team
If you have any feedback on the course, we’d love to hear it: [email protected]
P.S. This course is brought to you by Life Itself - https://lifeitself.org