Part of the free course Conscious Coliving in Action: Practical Steps to Getting Started. Prefer it paced? Get it by email — one lesson a day.

Day 6: Considerations for starting a conscious coliving place

Dear conscious human,

There will be some of you out there who feel the fire to set up your own conscious coliving place 🔥. Our co-founders at Life Itself have a lot of experience with this, having set up three spaces in London, Berlin and Bergerac, with a fourth on its way.

It is worth noting that this is a huge topic area, so we are really only touching the surface here. That said, today’s lesson should give you a strong foundation of items to consider at the start before you enter into the creation stage. Remember, most communities that get set up will fail, so it’s always best to start with clearing out any delusional thinking that yours will be the exception by really diving into these considerations. We want you to have a clear idea and appreciation of what it takes to create successful spaces.

So let’s jump in.

#1 Find your tribe - before you do anything else… don't do it alone

Don’t do it alone; it’s going to be hard work at the best of times, and at the worst of times you’re going to want the support of other people, have a team to bounce ideas off of and have conversations with to get alternative perspectives and ensure you are still in-line with your vision. You’re also going to want to share the harder times along with the successes and insights that come up with others.

We also can’t recommend this enough because when you work collaboratively you avoid burnout and the hierarchical power struggles that often come into play with more traditional ‘I am in charge’-type structures. This doesn’t mean that working collaboratively won’t have its tensions, and this brings us back to the subtitle - find your tribe. Test the alliance and compatibility before you jump in, and go slow 🐌.

#2 Start small and go slow

You may have a huge vision of a community spanning hundreds of people, but trust us when we say, start small. From our experience, 3-6 is a good number of people to start with, including the founders, and don’t rush to expand; if anything, take more time.

This will allow you to test out the practices and guidelines you have in place, and experience how it all plays out in reality. You will learn a lot in the process of doing, but having set things up (such as structures, guidelines, conflict-resolution processes, etc.) in advance as much as possible will help to create alignment and to foster intimacy, which facilitates effective communication in the initial stages.

#3 Decide on the approach of your conscious coliving space

This is about making agreements, setting intentions, deciding on the vision, understanding the values of the space and the values of the founders, the requirements to enter and live in the space, and so much more. Diving deep and considering the needs, wants, desires, values, expectations, whys, why nots, what's acceptable, what isn’t, what happens if, governance structure and how to manage conflict will all help to provide you with a clarity that forms the foundation of your community's ethos and expectations, and will later help to guide its growth and development.

It’s worth noting that spiritual communities experience more structural conflict than most groups, because they lack the rigor around governance and the practicalities. So dig deep into all of it, the fun, the good, the boring, the bad and the ugly. This is also why having a balanced tribe with a mix of perspectives and ways of thinking is useful, as people will see blindspots and opportunities that others may miss, which all helps the shaping of the community.

#4 Decide your ownership and economic model

This one can be complicated. How will the ownership structure work, will it be a co-op, or cohousing, a community land trust, a leasehold, a joint tenancy, or some other way? This one really involves you understanding and researching the benefits and risks involved with the options available to you and having discussions with those you are setting up the space with.

Linked to this and of equal importance is deciding on your economical model: who pays what and how do you pay for things? Does the community make money? Do you pool money? Does someone who brings more money do less other "work in the community"? These are just some of the questions to consider in advance, but there are many more. It is essential once agreed upon to have these clearly detailed in your agreements, leaving no space for ambiguity, remembering also that transparency is key to avoid conflict, and ensuring alignment from the get go.

As an aside, Diana Leafe Christian, in her book, A life together: practical tools to grow ecovillages and intentional communities, suggests that you probably want equal or close to equal ownership/control over the underlying land asset, noting that situations where there is an owner-employer set up with non-owners-employees generally don't work well due to the power imbalances.

If you’re starting to feel worried at this point, this is normal 😅. Creating a conscious community or even being part of one, is a big undertaking. So, take a break and make a cuppa and come back for the rest 🍵.

#5 The 12 agreements

Here are some of the most important types of agreements that we would recommend to have in place to get your started.

Ensure people joining your community are in full agreement with

Your community’s vision
Your community’s mission
The engagement (trial) period
The in-person expectations i.e. attendance at certain communal meals, weekly sharing, communal activities and contributions
The community’s commitment to dealing with vulnerable topics and difficult conversations
How to resolve conflict
Communication channels
Community rules
Roles and responsibilities
What is the food system in term of the organization and diet
The community decision making system and governance structure
What is the flexibility for co designing together i.e. evening practices

#6 Build your conscious coliving plan, so you can pitch to people

Crafting a comprehensive plan of how you will share the community with others can serve as the blueprint for pitching to potential members. In the plan, outlining key items such as the vision, structure, goals, values, expectations of members and the rules, will allow you to provide a flavor and then give extra information as the conversation with individuals progresses, which in turn will help you to find your core colivers.

#7 Personality compatibility when starting out

Creating a conscious coliving space extends beyond securing agreements—it’s about curating a harmonious environment rooted in shared values and mutual respect. Beyond just outlining responsibilities and conflict-resolution tactics, fostering an atmosphere of open communication and understanding is vital. When setting up your own space, emphasize the importance of compatibility, not just in terms of personalities but also in relation to lifestyles and habits. A diverse mix of individuals with varied backgrounds and skills is valuable, yet the key lies in finding a cohesive thread that unites everyone—a common vision or goal that guides the collective journey.

The selection process for potential colivers should prioritize more than mere skill sets. It should delve into individual traits, attitudes, and inclinations to ensure a well-rounded and compatible group. Compatibility isn’t solely about avoiding conflicts; it's about thriving together by leveraging each other's strengths, learning from differences, and collectively growing in a shared space where everyone feels respected and understood. In conscious coliving, compatibility is the cornerstone upon which a nurturing and sustainable community thrives.

Communities frequently end up needing to deal with "shadows" which is a big reason why they fail. So understanding where a person is in their journey related to emotional and spiritual development is integral.

✍️ Action: We recommend creating a compatibility questionnaire. Our tip - don’t make the questions too obvious about what you are assessing, allow people to share, and incorporate both open and closed questions, and likert scales.

For example, if you value shared meal times prepared by individuals from the community you might ask something like:

How much do you enjoy eating home-cooked meals?

1. I actively avoid home-cooked meals, I hate cooking and prefer eating out or pre-made options.

2. I don't enjoy cooking home-cooked meals and only eat them if necessary, or if someone else has cooked them for me.

3. I don't have a strong preference for home-cooked meals or other options - if it’s good food, I’ll eat it.

4. I enjoy home-cooked meals sometimes and find them appealing, especially when they can be shared with others.

5. I love home-cooked meals and prefer them over other options whenever possible, especially if I can do the cooking.

^ It’s not perfect but you get the idea!

#8 Be open to changing the plan to engage the right people

Ultimately, adaptability is key in curating a community that flourishes and evolves organically. It will likely be a learning experience for you too, where your ideals or ideas don’t match up to reality. In this case, choosing trial, error, reviewing and realigning will help you to be adaptable. Remembering adapting isn’t a sign of failure but an opportunity to succeed.

#9 Trial living together before buying a place!

You could try things such as Woof-ing together for a year, or co-living in an already established community for a period of time.

And use this time to establish bonds, agreements and plans. You'll make discoveries during this preparation time which can really help you to form the vision. This period fosters bonding, solidifies agreements, and refines the communal vision. Taking the time to invest in a long-term trial period gives you opportunities and experience that can help to build a really solid foundation for when it is time to invest more heavily in the community. This time also helps you to remove any rose-tinted glasses you might still have on.

As you can see from today, doing the groundwork ahead of time merely in relation to the considerations can really transform your conscious coliving space from a possibility to a highly functioning reality. Preparation is, again, key.

Now would also be a great time to have a read of our post, Notes on Creating a Life Together* by Diana Leafe Christian

In the next lesson, we'll delve deeper into practical strategies for establishing a thriving community once you’ve done the groundwork and how to move from the consideration stage into the implementation.

If you’re wondering why we’re spending two days on this, when we don’t recommend it, it is for exactly this reason, to give you insight into the tip of the iceberg. This might also help you understand how to find an aligned coliving space that already exists, by cross checking some of the items we’re raising across these two days.

See you in the next lesson.

Lauren & the Life Itself CoCo 🥥 team

If you have any feedback on the course, we’d love to hear it: [email protected]

P.S. This course is brought to you by Life Itself - https://lifeitself.org

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